deprived
white noise I watched with trepidation as my strange bed was wheeled out in front of me. Wires, tubes, fluid bags, suction and electricity. The platform awaited me; it loomed eerily before me, all the tools of horror in anticipation of my naked body. I was removed from my cage and obediently lay down. My excitement was laced with fear as I realized that it was really happening now; I had waited for months to live this fantasy and it was about to become real. I was strapped down to the bed. Headphones were placed in my ears, blaring white noise and strange otherworldly sounds. My metal helmet was placed over my face and tightly secured. I was now trapped- but most of all trapped inside my own head. I became immediately disoriented in the darkness and relentless sound. My legs were spread and a catheter and dildo were inserted as I lay motionless and helpless to struggle or even respond. Suddenly, all the groping and probing hands were gone. I was all alone now in the darkness and the drowning endless sound. I tried to concentrate on the sound; time became my torment. With every passing moment, my body sent new messages of panic and pain: the dildo stuffed so tightly within me, the burning of the catheter, the ache of my bound muscles. The sound was my only anchor to reality- I began to feel increasingly disconnected from my body, from my self. My disorientation grew as I dimly heard voices beyond the white noise. I began to wonder if they were truly voices or just hallucinatory and contained within the relentless static. When I felt suction on my breasts and clit, I was overjoyed! At last, a moment when I am connected and not alone! The electricity felt like strange prickling fingers, teasing and caressing my skin. Even as the charge increased, the pain was a welcome distraction. When it ceased, I quietly begged pd for more. My tiny hope was that he would leave it on and it could help me to survive the agonizing hours that I knew remained. But my real torment was to be wheeled away, abandoned as a mere prop while Donna played with 331. After the shock treatment, time became an uncanny blur. I remember dimly some blankets placed over me. Occasional sounds and voices floated into my consciousness; I could no longer distinguish them. The white noise receded until it seemed like silence. Before my helmet was removed, the noise was switched off. It was so sudden and unexpected that it jarred me more powerfully than any electric shock. When the helmet came off, my eyes screamed at the scathing light by my mind was still stunned in the absence of the white noise. It had become comforting to me; it had been like an umbilical cord that anchored me to the earth as I floated in my dreamlike space. My return to the voices and the blinding lights of the studio felt like a strange birth-- I was released from my placid womb of endless empty space. spacegirl
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