411's test
Would you know me if you saw me on the street? Would you recognize the animal lurking inside me, waiting to be released? Would you see it in my eyes? Would you tap your buddy on the shoulder, point, and whisper, "That, my friend, is a bondage slut?" Would you suspect that only two hours ago I was lying naked on a cold, concrete floor, bound and gagged and writhing in pain? Probably not. I wouldn’t believe it myself if I didn’t have the bruises to prove it. Today was more than just an innocent experiment?it was a test of will power, a psychological battle, an exploration of my dark side, and, ultimately, a transformation. I wanted to push myself, to see how far my body could bend and how much torture it could take. I don?t know what pain is, but I want to find out. I want to feel it, to possess it, to conquer it. PD tells me that pain is all in my head, signals that my body sends to my brain. It is up to the mind to receive these messages, process them, accept them, and finally to transcend. Sounds logical, right? All I can say is: easier said than done. He started off by tying my hands behind my back in reverse prayer. I like this position. The stretch running down the sides of my arms and back is a sort of soothing relief for me. He bound my legs together tightly and pulled them back towards my head as far as they could go (I thought). Lying there by myself on the cold, hard gray floor, I shivered and struggled to break loose. In an attempt to release all the tension and agony building up inside me, I tried to scream through the metal gag I had clenched between my teeth. PD approached me and freed my legs so that I was no longer forced to arch my back. I breathed a sigh of relief, though I knew this was only going to get worse. He tried to hogtie me again with my legs pulled back further and I resisted, to no avail. Then he left me again and delighted in my anguish as I twisted and turned, searching for a comfortable position that I knew was impossible to find and crying out for help I was sure would never arrive. He returned and rested my chest on his knees. Breathless and exhausted, I contemplated moving away, but then resolved to accept his kindness while he was offering it. He was being easy on me and I knew it. For the next scene he was not so nice. Suspended by the ropes behind my back, I gasped for breath as he wrapped leather tightly around my breasts, taped my mouth, and tied my wide-open legs to a wooden branch. He attached weights to 4 strings on my pubic hairs and clamped both my nipples. In the air like this for my first time, I felt strangely powerful, like I could do anything I wanted to do. But then the dizziness became worse and worse. The pain he was trying to inflict was nothing to me. He could have done anything he wanted and it wouldn’t have mattered?all I wanted was air. I tried to breathe deeply but the ropes around my ribs constricted my chest and would not allow my lungs to expand. Just when I thought I was going to pass out, I was lowered to the ground and untied. The worst was over. Or so I believed. Immediately after these ropes were removed, I was transformed into the bondage bitch PD wants me to be?restrained, submissive, available to be tortured and consumed by anyone and everyone. A corset was laced tightly around my waist so that my breathing was restricted once again. My hands were stuffed into fingerless gloves that were attached to the collar around my neck and I wore tall black toe shoes. It surprised me to realize that I felt sexy like this. My body trembled with eager anticipation of what was coming next. For the final touch, PD pulled a black mask over my head so that I was in complete darkness and could only get air through two tiny nose holes. I have never been this helpless. Up until this point, I could always see where PD was and what he was going to do to me. I was filled with a mixture of terror, excitement, and dread. Supported by a harness over my head, I stood up for what seemed like an eternity. My face sweated and my legs shook violently as I blindly attempted to balance on my aching toes. Suddenly, I was lifted up and placed on the concrete once again. A welcome change. That is until I heard PD stepping toward me. He beat me with something?I don’t know what or for how long’on my chest, my legs, my ass. This was something I was not expecting and had never felt before. I cried, jerked, and screamed with abandon. But eventually I calmed myself slightly and tried to separate mind from body. A little pain, I tell myself. A tiny ache and nothing more. I leave the studio with burns and bruises, my medals of honor that I hope will not fade before I return to receive new ones. "I can take this," I convince myself. "Oh, this is nothing," my internal beast answers back. "You can take this and much, much more."
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